This post marks the launch of “ideas”, which covers great creations that may never come to fruition.
My initial notes began:
Best idea ever for a horror movie or video game: something involving crabs. Possibly in a science lab: research ship.
I’ve since upgraded the idea to “action/thriller”, generally because I don’t like horror. I then came up with the following fragments of plot:
A scientist is drinking coffee at his computer and gets up to check a print out. He hears a scuttling sound behind him, but signs it off as his imagination. He returns to his desk and hears the sound again. He turns around, worried now. The sound continues, again behind him. The scientist turns back to his desk, but we see only his face. He screams as a shadow advances on him, and the screen fades to black as we hear the sound of frenzied snipping …
I liked the sound of crabs scuttling against a metal corridor/air duct, and therefore based a movie around it.
Our hero, we’ll call him Rob, at one point runs outside and looks over the railing, into the ocean: the ship is surrounded by crabs, using their claws to climb up the side, and a line of crabs making their way up the ship’s stairs …
Yes, just like zombies converging on a car or something.
…a confrontation scene in a giant, empty stock area of the ship, Rob and the captain standing against a wall, facing the crabs, Rob with a gun in his hands.
Captain says “Damnit, Rob! Shoot their weak point!”
“I’m trying,” says Rob, “but the bastards keep strafing!”
Strafing was my other idea.
…Deus ex Machina in the form of a previously thought dead heroine, Clare, emerging with a mighty crab hammer.
At this point I imagined that the film would descend into a series of Deus ex Machinas. I’d go see it, and I’m a member of the pro-crab lobby! I’m going to hope the crustaceans have just suffered a horrible misunderstanding.
Which gives me an idea for the true ending:
Spoilers for my non-existent movie’s ending ahead! You’ve been warned!
Thousands of crabs launch themselves at the giant squid that has driven them from their home. Rob gets tossed aside by the tentacles and breaks a leg.
… as the crabs hold down the squid, punishing him with thousands of pinces, Clare makes a last ditch effort and fires the ship’s harpoon.
… the squid sinks into the ocean, and so too do the crabs. One crab, established throughout the film as their “leader”, turns back and raises a claw as if in farewell. Clare raises her own hand, and the sun comes up. The credits roll, either to strangely inappropriate rock (ala V for Vendetta) or to a sparse reprise of the film’s love theme.
At the end of the credits, the lapping of waves against the shore can be heard.
I may have just written the outline for the movie of the decade. Brings a tear to my eye. I’m looking forward to seeing how the effects crew make the crabs bubble at the mouth.