12 Months of Movies 2007: March

I realised at some point that I came to expect every month to provide bountiful riches. While I want to punch anyone who subscribes to Sturgeon’s Law in the face (I mean, what are the chances you’re ever going to witness 90% of everything anyway? Way to be King of the Cynics!), I accept that not everything can be so superlative that I vomit out sparkles of appreciation for it. March was not a month of greatness, but it had some gems.

Tenacious D In The Pick of Destiny
Thursday March 1, 1:30, Greater Union George Street, Cinema 8

I don’t know why I saw this movie when I did. I probably only had an afternoon class to attend or something and wanted to kill the time before it. The time died, all right. Maybe I just stopped “feeling” Tenacious D? When I saw them in concert earlier this year, I felt nothing. I had fully expected to have seen this movie before I went to that concert, but it was delayed for obvious reason. Unless you’re Joanna Newsom, I don’t particularly want to go to a concert where I have no idea what most of the songs are.
We all know what I think of stoners, and this is essentially a stoner movie. I have a feeling that maybe a lot of stoner movies are written when the stoner writers are super sober, so whatever they think is hilarious to their stoned selves is actually really contrived or something. Uh … I mean … let’s get hiiiiiiigh! Hilarity at its zenith!
Less diversionary: pointless movie, not particularly funny, lacking that certain something that I know that KG and JB can bring to the table. I don’t know what happened, nor do I know why they always use this movie on the TVs in Australian catalogues.

The Illusionist
Friday March 2, 6:30, Greater Union George Street, Cinema 11

Man, I loved this movie. Every time I think of it, I just think of Paul Giamatti smiling and (not in so many words) saying “I take my hat off to you, sir!” Yeah, so it’s not in reality a particularly great movie, and I was laughing at the silly voices all throughout, but I was entertained. Physically impossible to take seriously, but don’t hold that against it. They explain the whole thing in a montage at the end – the most morally reprehensible montage in human history!

Sunday March 11, 7:30, Greater Union Bondi Junction, Popcorn Taxi

It’s a science fiction movie with creepy tension and atmosphere! No, wait, it’s some sort of weird 11th hour horror movie! Sunshine: the movie that … what is it? I don’t know, but I had a good time, and Danny Boyle is a very personable fellow. I believe that I felt an intense dread when I saw this film, threatening to swallow me up. Everyone is entirely aware that space is a good place to throw a horror show (yeah! Jason X!), and this proved no exception. I probably would have preferred it if Sunshine had avoided that route, but I thought it was still a pretty dang good movie. I don’t think it got much love, though.

Tuesday March 13, 6:30, Greater Union George Street, Cinema 5

Who gave Emilio Estevez permission to write a movie? Who allowed “The Sound of Silence” to be used for any purpose beyond daring bus escapes from weddings? Bobby was effectively my introduction to a man I have no love for, Shia LeBeouf, and also a not particularly interesting Lindsay Lohan. It had a good cast, and some good performances, but really it just seemed like a big ol’ case of “This man coulda been our messiah, but he got shot!”
Clearly we should be diverting all of our energies into the construction of movies that demonstrate “what woulda happened if [Saviour X] hadn’t been killed?”. We would all be richer for it. Actually, I’m getting the impression that it would be like Birth of a Nation. “Sic semper tyrannis!”

Hot Fuzz
Friday March 16, 1:40, Greater Union George Street, Cinema 10

They are going to bust your arse. I went into Hot Fuzz cold. No idea what to expect. That meant that the torrents of laughter were all the sweeter. But more next time!

The Good German
Monday, March 19, 6:30, Greater Union George Street, Cinema 5

The second that Tobey Maguire punches out George Clooney, you know that the movie you are watching is a pack of lies. This is the kind of film where you cheer the mysterious death at the “centre” of what you’re watching. This began to cement my hatred for Soderbergh, which will come to a head in November. Stick around, set a spell … Batrock.net is clearly infinitely more entertaining than this movie which blatantly stole the end of Casablanca. Clooney, Clooney.
(It’s worth noting that, in interviews about the movie, Clooney and Blanchett spoke only of the techniques used in making the film, and not the quality of the film itself. It wasn’t really well received).

Friday, March 23, 2:40, Greater Union George Street, Cinema 14

Pay attention, 007: I managed to see Scoop on exactly the same screen as I saw Match Point, exactly one day off being the year anniversary. If that ain’t freaky, I’m not a great knower of freakologistics. I always saw this as Woody Allen’s “apology” for Match Point, a film that I will never cease to hate. Even beyond my grave, I will be cursing Jonathan Rhys Meyer’s name.
But Scoop is not Match Point! It is a screwball comedy that once more makes Scarlett Johansson lovable! As an amateur journalist, Scarlett decides to find out if Hugh Jackman is a prostitute murderer – and falls in love with him! With the assistance of Woody Allen and the ghost of Ian McShane, it’s a case just itching to be solved! Basically this movie is a series of wish fulfillment: Hugh Jackman in a role you actually don’t mind seeing him in, Scarlett Johansson not being so damned serious or having to act with JRM, and Woody Allen allowed on the screen once more. I mean, I would never claim that this is super compelling, but I had a good time.

Hot Fuzz
Friday March 23, 6:30, Greater Union George Street, Cinema 8

No, seriously: they will bust your arse. Knowing what’s coming in a movie is totally different to being surprised at every turn – that’s why you take your friends! I took my dear friends to partake of Hot Fuzz the second time, and I delighted in their delight. The first time I saw the film, I kept on expecting Nick and Danny to kiss each other. I thought I was imagining it. I was not in the most stable of minds, you see, and thought I was playing tricks on myself.
Like fun I was! Hot Fuzz is the most homoerotic movie ever – at the admission of Simon Pegg himself! It’s the new thing in movies: guys who love each other but don’t quite have sexual relations. I’m all for this, because it’s hilarious.
“It’s true! You don’t know how to turn it off!”
So Hot Fuzz will forever be awesome.

Pick of the Month: Hot Fuzz

Best movie ever! Tears of laughter, my friends! Tears of joy!

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