From my notes for this week’s episode: “I hate this show”. Yeah, it’s like that. Heroes is an uphill battle, one that I continue to wage because, as far as I can see, I don’t want to concede defeat.
- Ukrainian Paradise
- Bennet and The Haitian go to the Ukraine, where they meet Ivan, the expository cat who says “I trained you, you and your invisible partner, Claude!” They torture the location of the remainder of the paintings out of him, then they shoot him to make it look like it’s a random robbery. The paintings … don’t reveal much. Except to tell us that Bennet has condemned himself to Hell! Fortunately, the paintings don’t seem to be of any significance.
- The Endless Journey
- Sylar, Alejandro and Maya arrive at the border, after Maja refuses to abandon Sylar. They get stopped by a fence, and then set upon by the “Citizen’s Border Patrol”, which is essentially a combination troupe of cowboys and rednecks. Sylar tells Maya to go with the flow and lets her kill them. Alejandro informs Maja that nexts time she goes all black eyed, he’s not going to be there to hold her hand. Afterwards, when Maja is conveniently but unconvincingly out of earshot, Sylar tells Alejandro that he’s going to kill the both of them and take their “delicious powers”. Maya is his “shiny new toy, and she’s all mine”.
Yeah, whatever, murderface. Seriously, he strokes Maya’s hair. That’s textbook creepy.
- High School Isn’t Like This, Really
- Claire gives an environmental cheer but isn’t allowed onto the cheer squad because it’s run by an unrealistic bitch. So West comes up with a scheme: he exploits the head cheerleader’s drunkenness by wearing a balaclava and dropping (and killing) Claire from great height. Being mentally scarred for life, but with no evidence, the head gets suspended for drunkenness. I hope West get shot by a cannon soon. I can’t stand him.
- Exploitation Incorporated
- Mohinder tests Michelle, and Ned Ryerson tells him to administer a potential cure. Mohinder goes crazy at the suggestion and starts smashing things, so Ned Ryerson apologises and partners Mohinder with Niki – who you totally know is actually Jessica. Michelle gets let off with a free oiPod packed with instructional videos.
- Tiresome Japan
- Hiro, Kensei and Yaeko save the Swordsmith, but then Yaeko realises that everything she loves about Kensei springs from Hiro and kisses him. Feeling betrayed, Kensei sells Hiro out to Whitebeard. And there HISTORY ENDS.
- Petrelli and Girl Oirish, Freelance Police
- Kaitlyn swears to “kill the bitch” that electrocuted her brother to death. She and Peter Petrelli travel to Montreal together, where they find a message from Adam Monroe (whom Mohinder had seen a file for at the Company) that says that they were “right about the company”. Then the two of them flash forward to Times Square, replete with posters for Hairspray and Wicked. Peter Petrelli sees a mandatory eviction notice dated April 2008. “This is next year!” he exclaims. Thanks, Peter Petrelli.
You know what? Seriously, I’ve got nothing to say to this. West and Claire incite me to rage, but how can I care about something as lame as the rest of this? Yet I cannot look away. You may accuse me of simple laziness, but I propose this: it is the Heroes crew who are to be accused of laziness!