“Lizards”
You know how most episodes of Heroes can be subtitled “Parkman is stupid”? Well, add “Claire is stupid” to that continuum! I watched this episode with Ajay and he said “I’m not sure that I can watch this show if you’re just going to be shaking your head all the time.”
Spoilers!
Let’s go back to the character grouping summaries, because doing this episode bit by bit would be stupid. With roughly twenty scenes in forty minutes, that’s about two minutes per scene. Two minutes per scene is just enough time for a key character to say something stupid before we get whisked off to the next round.
Amnesia Petrelli: The Oirish want their oiPods, or else Amnesia Petrelli is in for a world of hurt! The head of the Oirish has a sister, who takes pity on Amnesia Petrelli, and freaks out when she realises that there’s not a mark left on him. After Amnesia Petrelli DLs his way out of his bindings, he forestalls running away so as to save Oirish Sister from some Oirish Punks – by way of Ted Sprague bolts. Of course, he doesn’t know how he’s doing any of that.
The head of the Oirish comes back and says that Amnesia Petrelli has turned a financial dealing into a blood feud, and then calls him “Peter”. Turns out that Head Oirish has a box containing a letter that Peter wrote on toilet paper while in captivity and hid in a rat hole Peter’s personal effects … and that he can only recover them if he does one big job for the Oirish and becomes Thiever Petrelli.
Claire: God, Claire. Basically, Claire stands out in biology class by asking about lizard regeneration. West looks at her with interest, and suggests she read Suresh’s book. Unfortunately, Claire is distracted because her car was stolen – not because of forced entry or anything but because she forgot to lock it.
“Blah blah,” says Claire at home. “I gots ta be me.”
So she cuts off her toe. It takes a while, but it grows back and honestly who the fuck cuts off their own toe as an experiment. Unfortunately, West is stalking her and sees this through the window! Mr. Muggles looks up into the sky and barks at West, but Claire is too stupid to do the same – and you thought dogs couldn’t look up! Out of this deal, Claire obtains the Suresh book of mystery.
Parkman: Parkman investigates the death of Mr. Nakamura (apparently that’s “Kaito” to you) and is an idiot. They call Mama Petrelli in for questioning and Matt puts on his best game face: when Mama Petrelli mentally yells “GET OUT OF MY HEAD!” he’s totally taken aback. WAY TO GO, PARKMAN. Anyway, it’s awesome because Mama Petrelli is totally attacked in an enclosed room by the Godsend killer. But she doesn’t die. (Oh yeah, and she said of Nakamura: “I wasn’t sleeping with him, not for a long time.”)
Diablo Twins: A seer tells Maya that she has an evil in her – enough to kill the Devil! It was at this point that I predicted that The Company takes Maya and Alejandro, open a portal to Hell, and have them go in and murder Satan himself. If only this could be. Anyway, the twins seek passage across the border, and an old family friend consents to take them. However, more Banditos arrive and cause problems, and Maya freaks out, bleeding from the eyes (although maybe it’s not blood) and causing the family friend’s death. Alejandro calms her with his own eye emanations, and brings the friend back to life – but the friend runs away in terror. Turns out that these Diablo Twins are the solutions to one another.
Action Hiro Team (AKA Kensei and his Trusty Sidekick, Carp): Hiro realises that Kensei is not going to do anything to save the Smith’s daughter, and thus steals his armour. He disarms all of the Japanese bandits (I must come up with a good fake Japanese bandit word) with his magic (twice!) and then puts on a poetic show of sakura showering and love for the Smith’s daughter. Upon meeting the “real” Kensei back in town, they decide to team up and save the Smith. Unfortunately, Kensei is shot to death by the previous bandits!
… then, fortunately, Kensei kind of comes back to life. It seemed as much of a surprise to him as it did to Hiro.
Mohinder Bennet Danger Duo: Ned Ryerson assigns Mohinder to Haiti to cure a fellow who has the degenerative virus thing. Not surprisingly, Haiti holds the Haitian. The Haitian erases Mohinder’s memory after his cure (but not before a discussion about comparative religion and what have you), and Ned Ryerson gets pissed off that Mohinder let him get away … because a powerless guy totally knows that his memory is going to be erased; yeah. Then Bennet hires a new employee: the Haitian. Psyche, Ned Ryerson! You got told!
I hold out hope for Heroes. I was actually somewhat offended when someone told me that maybe I shouldn’t watch it; I felt he was being presumptuous. Here’s a cat who takes TV and movie orders from no one.
This episode was okay on the Herometer, but I feel like nothing has happened yet in the series. Two minute long scenes aren’t exactly conducive to having a lot of stuff happen in them, so every effort is piecemeal.
I will admit that I love how bad Mexico is in this series; it’s a land of superstition and wild shooting and also people who bleed from the eyes kind of like statues of the Virgin Mary (coincidentally, that totally happened to Adrian Pasdar a few years ago!). I would seriously like to see a representation of Mexico that makes it look more like a real country and less like a refugee from a Western. Yes, indeed, there are problems in Mexico but I’m pretty sure that it functions on some level! Of course, the point must be made that everyone ever wants to live in America. Who can blame them?
The problem with the new serial killing dude is that we presumably don’t know the other people in the Nakamura/Linderman/Petrelli Syndicate. If they’re pre-existing characters, they’re pretty well hidden. I personally think that Ned Ryerson is too obvious to be one of them and, despite his ability to turn forks into gold I can’t imagine that he’s big time enough to justify being part of a superhero conglomerate. What’s more, he’s not nearly old enough.
The only question that remains is: how is Kensei’s valiant sidekick not mentioned in the historical tales? I don’t accept that Hiro is changing history, I believe he is shaping it to be as it always was. That’s the only way time travel can work. In summary: Claire is an idiot.
