Snakes on a Plane

I was surprised that Snakes on a Plane fever continued up to a week after its release. Really, I was. Then it died away, as if the major excitement that had built up had never existed.

In my continued quest for topicality and relevance, I present to you my view of Snakes on a Plane.

Article contains 1 (one) expletive

Snakes on a Plane is definitely not the sort of movie I’d normally go to: I can’t stand watching tens of people die in awful ways by custom built strike attack creatures. This was Snakes on a Plane. It was different.

Everyone knows that Snakes on a Plane is described by its title. Less publicised is the fact that these snakes are on a plane to exterminate a witness to a murder case. You know, you gotta kill people to get away with killing people. As the villain, notorious criminal Eddie Kim, says of the situation:

Don’t you think I’ve exhausted every possible option?
-Eddie Kim, professional villain and ne’erdowell

You sure have, Eddie. You sure have.

Most of the time, Snakes on a Plane is tasteful. Even when it’s killing people having sex in airline toilets, it’s tasteful. They got a taste of hubris, you see, and one can’t feel bad for them. I still cringe and knee jerk, and that’s what I hate about these sorts of films, but I got through most of it.
Parts like a freakin’ snake crawling out of a dead guy’s mouth? Less than tasteful.

What is surprising is how well thought out the characters were, even if they didn’t have names. You got some really nice people who died, even though you were given the impression that, because they had been set up as characters, they would escape unscathed. However, all of the survivors learned mighty lessons in humility and got to live out their dreams of:

  1. Recreating the climax of Goldfinger.
  2. Flying planes to remarkable touchdowns.
  3. Sliding down emergency inflatable ramps.
  4. Feeling the elation of working as a team to beat down a venomous menace.

Conversely, well established “bad” people, such as Snooty Englishman America Hater, get their well deserved endings.

Snakes on a Plane was both helped and victimised by the mass hysteria that surrounded it. It was much more fun than it may have been, with its added scenes (added boobs) and profanity, but the “motherfucking” line really brings down the film due to its placement. It’s supposed to be a line of frustration, not the final call of victory!

I have to hand it to Snakes on a Plane: it didn’t make me jump too much (maybe that’s a failing), and it made the ridiculously camp flight attendant have a loving girlfriend. Heck, I even felt sad when one person died, and I liked the strength that the film lent to flight attendants (pilots, on the other hand, are suckers). It even gave equal opportunity to Nintendo, Sony and Microsoft!

Snakes on a Plane: you get what you pay for, plus some hilarious exposition on top of that. The fact that you don’t want the snakes to win is evidence that the movie has made the right choices. I wish every plane had a spiral staircase!

Mountain: climbed.

Snakes on a Plane.

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4 Responses to Snakes on a Plane

  1. Wavatar Mark says:

    I felt mildly gipped by the movie… not because of the movie itself, but because the crowd I saw it with was distressingly tame. Yeah, the one time I wouldn’t mind people in the audience carrying on and throwing stuff (like, perhaps, little rubber snakes or something) and they end up being calm and respectful. There were a couple of college kids who yelled “YEAH SNAKES ON A MUTHERFUCKING PLANE” when the lights went down (and of course lots of laughter and groans), but that was about it. I still enjoyed the movie for what it was, but I was hoping for more from the audience…

    From what I’ve heard from other folks who saw it in packed theaters, the experience in the theater was just as important as the movie itself. Rats.

  2. Wavatar Alex says:

    I think that the movie did its work enough for me: “Hey, MISTER PROSECUTOR, how do you like me, EDDIE KIM, smashing your face in with this bat?”

  3. Wavatar Andy CAP says:

    “You got some really nice people who died, even though you were given the impression that, because they had been set up as characters, they would escape unscathed.”

    Have you ever seen a horror movie?

    I think you should have seen it with a crowded theater, it would have been infinitely more fun. I saw it on opening night, and everyone said the “Mutherfuckin’ snakes” line in unison. I even made a shirt that had it written on it! In conclusion, lighten up!

    PS. The climax of Goldfinger was the crotch laser. The scene you speak of would more appropriately called a denoument.

  4. Wavatar Alex says:

    I don’t watch horror movies as a rule.

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